The couple that has the house church in Dehradun (see earlier blog White Calvinist Preaches to Pentecoatal Indians) had me for dinner last night. We ate a bit early for them—8 PM. I told Sooraj that at home I would be thinking of stoking the fire and going up to bed about now.
His wife, Preeti, fixed a great meal. And this for a guy who struggles with most Indian food—not enough raw veggies and always pepper and curry a bit too hot in most dishes. But this was really good. The only thing that burned my virgin lips was some chicken bought at a market. Sooraj had asked that they hold back on the spice. They said OK. But it still left my lips tingling—a sensation not often felt since my younger days—but then let’s not go there.
So I felt really at home with these friends of several years now. I was teasing everyone. Sooraj said, “I like your sense of humor.” I don’t hear that much anymore.
We got talking about our families. I mentioned how I have three granddaughters in their mid-twenties and none yet married. Maybe I should put a marriage ad in the newpapers here and see if I can find someone. They need some help. The papers here have 4 pages with about 200 ads hawking the age, looks, caste, education and religion of women—and a few men, too. I guess the matchmakers here are not keeping up with their family responsibilities.
“Really? You have that in USA?” Sooraj asks. No – but we do have online match-making. Even one of my friends found a Christian soul mate wife that way—and they are very happy.
“Do you know any nice Indian guys who are Christians who might take a wife from the USA?”
He laughed.
But since we were on the subject, Preeti came in (wives serve during the meal, so she was not at table with us and the two kids), sat down and started bubbling over with her story.
She is a native of Dehradun, while Sooraj hails from 200 miles south.
She was getting into her mid-twenties. That’s when families do a full-court press to get their girls to the goal-line.
One prospect was a guy from a well-connected family. His mother was a politician and her father successful in his career. So they had means. Negotiations got under way.
Preeti’s parents said there was one obstacle—they had no money for the usual dowry. This is a constant concern in India. The girl should bring assets to the guy’s family.
But they were told that would not be necessary. Preeti would make a fine wife for their son. They need not anti-up with a dowry. Your daughter has a degree as well as advanced computer skills. She is a fine match for him.
So the engagement was announced. A wedding date set. And the couple were to start getting to know each other.
Now one must realize that an engagement here is much like in Bible times. Do you recall how Joseph, betrothed to Mary, actually had to take a public action when he wanted out due to her pregnancy? He resolved to do it privately—showing the kind heart he had toward her.
But in Preeti’s case there proved to be no kind hearts. The parents suddenly started making demands. Preeti’s folks would pay for the wedding and the huge feast that goes with it. They were to provide all the furnishings for the newlyweds’ house. When there was some hesitation over the turn of expectations the mother of the guy would call repeatedly and yell and scream why they were not willing to do as custom requires. Preeti’s parents were crushed—but had no way out since the engagement had been published abroad.
As Preeti, meanwhile, was getting to know her intended better, she began to have reservations—not just for her parents position but for herself. Her intuition sent up warnings. She found he was an alcoholic, for one thing. The future father-in-law is from Punjab—an area notorious for “accidental” burnings of young wives over dowry displeasure. She began to become depressed. Telling her parents her feelings she asked for them to break off the arrangement.
They did so. And all hell broke loose. Her relatives were shamed—how could you do this to our family name? And the guy’s parents loosed a torrent of false accusations about Preeti to the gossip mills. Preeti now crawled into a dark hole of despair. She thought, maybe I should just end my life.
At the time, Preeti was a Roman Catholic, so she knew where the answer lay although she was not truly converted. She began to call to Jesus for help. She had a Bible in the house that her father used to read from to the family. Only God can take her through this darkness. She starts to attend a brethren church nearby, with a pastor who preaches the Gospel. She is somewhat confused still and has the cloud of suicide in her mind.
The pastor’s wife senses her distress and invites her to come their home. The floodgates open in this safe place. She weeps for nearly an hour while the pastor’s wife just holds her and prays for her. Consolation and counsel follow. She gives it all to Jesus—whatever he has for her, even if she never marries.
In time she goes to work at the complex where the lepers have a cottage industry to support themselves, established by the Catholic church years ago. There is a young man who comes regularly to do outreach ministry to the people there—who have little contact and no hope for integration into society. He is soon to start a church next door where they can easily come. This is Sooraj, studying for ministry at New Theological College. They of course talk over lunch breaks and so on.
Some of their mutual friends see a match here. So one arranges for them to come to their home and meet in a proper way. Preeti is skittish, but agrees to come. Her parents even say it is OK for him to take her for coffee and talk there.
But Sooraj is extremely shy talking with a girl. “No—we’ll meet here,” he says.
So they share each other’s testimony. Preeti is careful to tell all the sorry business about her disgraced engagement fiasco. He expresses interest in her.
But Preeti has been burned—badly—by her ordeal. She is not sure. The trauma is still with her. She prays, asking for guidance. Sooraj is a believer. She will accept if God indicates. God seems to be saying “Yes.” Uncle George and Auntie Leela of NTC encourage the couple. “They will be right for each other.”
So the decision is made and a date set for nuptials.
Now preparation must go forward. Preeti’s parents will have to get everything ready. Lots of shopping for their daughter, lots of planning.
But Preeti cannot find it in her to take part. No shopping for her. She starts going to her room and reading the Psalms. She lights a candle to remind her of her need for light from above. For ten days she sequesters herself. She reads all 150 Psalms ten times during that fortnight. The candle burns out every time.
Wedding bells ring. She is putting on her veil. Still unsure, she keeps saying, “Lord, I am in your hands.”
And then it happens. As she and Sooraj start exchanging vows and rings, the joy of the Lord sweeps into her heart. A peace pushes all the darkness away. She is ecstatic. This is right!
Beaming now with animation, she has come home to the safe place in her Heavenly Father’s provision and in Sooraj’s love.
As Preeti finishes her story she is radiant before us. She is a beautiful woman, with a boy of 5 and a girl of 3. And they love the Lord so deeply and serve the poor and lowly with such devotion. He was 27 when they married, she 26. While they work on the campus now, they still minister to the people in and around the lepers’ home downtown, where I have preached several times over the last few years.
Sooraj asks me to pray for them before I leave.
As I walk the hundred paces back to the guest house, my heart is elated. God brings his people through their dark hours. She needed this trauma to get serious with Jesus. Once again, God brings good from the bad.
The heavenly Father arranged this union when earthly parents could not find a way. What a beautiful couple.
The meal was scrumptious, to be sure. But we feasted mostly on a heavenly food that nourishes not bodies but souls.
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